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Concerning sleep divorce, a fairly new term introduced in marital language, the Dubrows kicked off a discussion into whether sleeping apart is good for the parties’ intimacy. The few conversations flew with the Dubrows on their podcast “Between Us”, describing openly for listeners what it really means to juggle one’s sleep health and relationship connection. This discussion thereby sets a different paradigm around how a couple really navigates a long-term relationship.
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In a teaser clip from the episode, Heather Dubrow made a witty remark that implemented this very enigmatic social paradox. She observed, “we have these children, and we have to teach them to sleep alone. It’s like a big discount. Like, you have to be a big kid, and you have to learn to sleep alone. And then they spend several years sleeping by themselves only to go out and find a partner that they are then forced to sleep with.” Dr. Dubrow agreed that other than a person probably sleeping better on their own, this is about the sole advantage of the particular arrangement.
The gutsy discussion of such a deeply personal, practical topic drew praise from far and wide. Many listeners expressed their gratitude for discussing the “REAL topics” facing today’s average couple. The comments section then evolved into a support forum where people shared experiences covering a beautifully rich variety of modern approaches to marriage.
One reports a long-standing success story: “My husband and I have separate bedrooms…. Been together 30 years and we started it about 10 years ago. Best decision we ever made!” She explained that they keep their connection alive by visiting one another’s rooms to share some fun times, then part ways to serious sleep time alone. She finished her comments with a strong endorsement: “I highly suggest it 10/10.”
Another one gave the common compromise: “I like the idea of having two beds in the same room. When we go to hotels we always get two Queen beds.” This person went on to elaborate that this new plan, similar to hotels, allowed some accommodation of differences in sleep schedules, as one partner could practically hustle to sleep while the other seemed eternally delayed in doing so, without one of them having to compromise on quality of rest.
The short-lived reunion for some couples to share a bed, on the other hand, is also for nonsexual intimacy. “We slept apart for 1.5 years. Definitely slept better and were still intimate BUT we’re back in the same room again because intimacy is more than sex. Waking up together, cuddling before sleep- these were the things I missed.” This view shows that individually learned intimacies are customizable and far beyond what happens between the sheets.
There was even a fair ounce of fun involved in the conversation. One listener joked of another form of sleeping plight, “I sleep alone..But a 145 great dane has taken my husband away.” Another very clearly outlined the war many couples fight at night, “The fucking snoring!! Omg he was going to be my costar on snapped if he didn’t sleep somewhere else!!”
In essence, the Dubrows’ take on sleep divorce eclipsed the basic “yes or no” argument, measuring all possible solutions that either contemplate staying together in separate rooms all the time or just part-time. One individual described a hybrid solution: “Sleep divorce Monday thru Thursday night. Cuddle and talk for an hour before he tucks me in. Better sleep, better me, still get all the benefits, it’s all about compromise!” That’s what the whole thing was about: finding a solution that works for you that considers both sleep and the relationship as being important.
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By putting sleep divorce out on the table, the Dubrows dispelled the stigma attached to a choice many couples ponder but almost no one would ever admit to. The episode illustrates that a good marriage is not one that fits a textbook but is rather about communication and crafting a partnership that works for the two of you. The response is just overwhelming proof of couples wanting to get down and discuss the nitty-gritty of how to keep a relationship functioning and well rested. The Dubrows had bared a classic relationship gripe: that perhaps a little space might in fact bring you closer together. This discussion on RHOC star Heather Dubrow’s podcast also touched on health checkups and came at a time when Heather faced backlash for a recent post.
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