Parting is such sweet sorrow, but post-breakup tea isn’t such a terrible flavor profile either, as it turns out. Retired Olympic snowboarder Shaun White and actor Nina Dobrev broke up after five-and-a-half years of dating—the final 11 months of which they were engaged—media outlets confirmed last week. Neither White nor Dobrev has commented publicly on the split. What’s done is, as they say, done, so why are the amateur sleuths of the internet pledging their allegiance to Team Nina and shrieking about Bob the Builder while discussing whether they need to go full Vampire Diaries on White?
Wondering how a diminutive cartoon handyman fits into this narrative? God, isn’t everyone. Dobrev posted a TikTok on September 5 (the split was reported nearly a week later, on September 11) lip-synching to viral audio that invoked Robert T. Builder’s informal name and retroactively raised suspicions of Shaun-foolery along with eyebrows in the wake of the breakup news.
“How do you sleep at night knowing people don’t like you? With no underwear in case they want to kiss my ass,” said the audio over which Dobrev lip-synched to the lens. “What’s your advice for women trying to fix their man? Listen, Bob the Builder, he’s got 10 other women trying to fix him too, and you all look like a damn construction crew.”
For those wondering, the audio appears to originate from an account called Bad Bitch Granny and features two bougie elderly white women on a plane holding dogs that give off an air of canine fanciness. One of the women—and both dogs—are wearing sunglasses. Throughout the full clip, six different beverages, by my count, appear onscreen in varying configurations and states of fullness. You get the drift. The next question in that video, after the point where Dobrev’s audio cuts off, pertains to what to tell attention seekers. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I don’t give a big fuck what you do.” Well well.
While reps for Dobrev and White did not respond to Vanity Fair’s request for comment, an unnamed source told Us Weekly that “Nina is devastated” in the aftermath. “They had finally started planning the wedding and things were in motion,” this “insider” said.
today is a fantastic time to remember that media literacy and critical thinking apply just as much to analyzing celebrity news as political reporting. The same day that Dobrev posted the TikTok in question, September 5, she also posted an Instagram carousel of photos of her Greek getaway with White, featuring some lovey-dovey cuddle-time schmoop, sheet masks, and enviably aquamarine waters. Ooh, ahh, see how it sparkles and wonder whether Dobrev enjoyed People We Meet on Vacation, her pictured reading material. Given that the two pieces of social content were posted on the same day, it seems semi-reasonable to wonder whether something happened after the Insta to prompt the Tok, with news of the split becoming public later. Did White do something that made the answer to Bob the Builder’s evergreen question—“Can we fix it?”—“No, we can’t”?
A look into the guts of both the TikTok and Instagram post reveals exactly when each of the pieces of content was posted. So which came first? According to the metadata, the Instagram post was shared at 19:11 UTC (3:11 p.m. ET) and the TikTok was posted the same day at, drumroll please…18:04 UTC (2:04 p.m. ET), meaning the TikTok preceded the Instagram post by about an hour. The theory fit until it simply didn’t.
Do with that what you will. Also remember that you probably don’t know either of these people and should examine your investment in their relationship as closely as I did the code, and we’ll see you on the next episode of True Detective: Internet.
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