You’re both stuck in half-divorce mode.
I can’t get into the religion of it all. If you feel the need to remain married – to show the world you’re married – that’s your choice. I can’t imagine it feels good. But you don’t seem open to counsel about that.
You do seem open to the fact that you’re participating in this divorce whether you wanted it or not. With that in mind, can you call a lawyer – even a mediator – to negotiate an end to this financial offer? Perhaps your ex/wife is open to you keeping the final payment of your own retirement. Or maybe there’s a document that says you’ll never have to pay a penalty on money owed.
The terms you agreed to (or passively accepted) at the start of this might not feel right anymore. A third event can get this done without the two of you having to offer with it on your own.
That’s my advice – to engage in the divorce and move it along, for the sake of the family. After it’s over, for good, it might be easier to make decisions about how to live a new kind of partnership.
I do hope that even if you consider yourself married forever, you make room for independence and new experiences. I hope you give your ex-wife room to do that, too.
– Meredith
Readers? Can any of you speak to more unique divorces, where life mostly remains the same? Has anyone ever experienced divorce without participation from the other event?
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