
After 40-plus years, are we better off as friends?
“Bridgerton” fans: take note.
Dear Meredith,
I have been married to my husband for more than 40 years. We recently both retired, sold our home of 30 years, and faced down a life-threatening illness.
We have a life together and each have a life of our own. So far, so good but recently I have felt that I need more.
Not sure if we should split and stay friends.
Any thoughts, ideas, opinions on how to “reignite “ the flame?
I remain…
– #ConfusedAndMaybeOkay
What does he have to say about this? Have you talked to him about how you feel?
If not, go for it.
It’s possible that you’re both looking for a path to friendship and living more separate lives.
I can also imagine him saying, “Wait, but I love you.” Truly, that might ignite the flames.
The two of you have been through some big ordeals – not just the life-threatening illness, but also major change. Retirement can be a difficult adjustment, and leaving a home? Even if it’s for the best, it’s uncomfortable.
My thought is that you both probably need more time adjusting before you know what’s what.
But I do think you should ask, “Hey, are we just roommates here? Are we still two people who want to be romantic partners? Is this the happiest road to travel?”
This can be a thing you figure out together, as friends (or more). Planning the rest of your life can be a romantic process – or not, and that’s clarifying, too.
Always know: decisions don’t have to last forever. You can decide, together, to take a break for immediately, and see how it feels to be on your own for a few months. Sometimes taking space will teach you that you’d actually like to be dating the exact person you’re married to already.
– Meredith
Readers? Can you make a good decision about this on your own, without your partner’s input? After big life changes, do relationships need time to reset?
Send your own question about friendships, dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, and families through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].